Yesterday I received the preschool snack schedule and I was PSYCHED. Because on Thursday, I get to bring in class snack. Now, this may not seem exciting, but I have been looking forward to providing school snack since Byron was born. Because I will be *That Mom*. The mom that brings in healthy, homemade baked goods to be gleefully devoured by the hoards of children as I look on smugly and lovingly.
I would enter the classroom with a hand-turned wooden bowl, overflowing with fresh blueberry muffins, wrapped in an upcycled silk sari. I would smooth my long, waving hair as I demurred “Oh, this? My goodness, It’s my PLEASURE! ANYTHING for the children.”.
THIS. IS. MY. TIME.
Now, I envisioned whole grain muffins sweetened exclusively with honey and dates, dotted with pumpkin seeds, sprinkled with flax meal and hemp. A perfect, whole, nourishing snack for the little cherubs to savor before their free-play outside…
But these are the muffins I made.
They’re basically cake batter and blueberries.
Whatever…They’re good enough.
I’m good enough. Right? Right.
Blueberry Muffins for Superior Mothers
1 cup (2 sticks) softened salted butter
1/2 cup granulated sugar
1 cup maple syrup
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
4 cups All Purpose Flour
1 Tablespoon Baking Powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 Cup Whole Milk
3 cups blueberries
Cream butter and sugar and maple syrup together while yelling at 3 year old to stop eating fistfuls of butter. Add in eggs and vanilla. Lift crying baby from the floor and drop large dollop of batter on your dress. You look beautiful.
Add in flour, baking powder and salt all at once and realize that the bowl is too small. Make a mess because you really don’t even care anymore. Add milk. Stir as little as possible to bring mixture together. Add blueberries. Good. You’re doing a great job.
Spoon mixture into muffin tins. It doesn’t matter if it’s the same size spoonfuls, just get this over with already.
Bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes, or until the tops brown slightly and a knife stabbed into the center comes out clean.
Cool. Feed to children. They like it. You did great. It’s going to be ok.
One Reply to “Blueberry Muffins for Superior Mothers”
you are,too funny