Tomorrow is Thanksgiving 2019. My third without Tim. Unlike last year, I am feeling well, and excited to host a group of family and friends at Hopewell House tomorrow at noon. Entering into the holiday season with a renewed sense of connection, purpose, strength, and love. In Tim’s words, “livin’s alright”.
A lot has changed in the past months, though not much has really changed. I continue coming into a deeper understanding of myself and my place in this world and life. The children continue to grow, developing and growing in exciting and new ways. Each day brings new promise and challenge, and we have learned to roll with all of it. We simply live.
My most recent relationship ended last week. My doing. Amicably. He is someone I love, and will continue to love, as our romantic connection transitions into friendship. I learned a lot from that one, and I am grateful to have had it while I did.
These transitions, I’ve learned to trust them. To soften myself in the expectations I hold, and embrace what comes with the unfolding of time and opportunity. I’m healthy, physically, emotionally, mentally. I’m happy. I’m well.
I’ve come to realize that I no longer need this space to process. For two years, this blog served as a lifeline, an irreplaceable connection between myself and that outside world. I needed this space to emote and express and have a sounding board for the pain and complication of post-loss life. This blog kept me going.
It’s different now. The connections I form are more personal. I’m less eager to share my inner world with the vast inter-web. The recipients of my love and affection are alive, and I am uninterested in sharing the details of these relationships publicly as I navigate the complexities of adult connections and child rearing.
It has come time to finish this blog. While I will continue to write, I will find other outlets for publishing my work. I will continue to move forward, with my everlasting love for Tim in my heart, and an understanding that life is different now.
I’m whole again. I’m thriving. And I’m ready to close this chapter.
To anyone reading this, thank you. Thank you for the support you have given me through this process. For serving as a witness to my grief and transformation. This blog will continue to exist as a capsule of this time, and a resource for anyone who may need it moving forward.
2019 is wrapping up. 2020 lies ahead. 2017 was a lifetime ago.