Sad Salad for Singles!

 

I had a realization the other day.  I have a large garden that will soon be full of rich, beautiful vegetables, and unfortunately nobody’s going to god damned eat it but ME.

I met Tim when I was 21 years old, and we moved in together a year later, where we lived in a dilapidated two bedroom apartment with Tim’s brother and best friend.  I went directly from dorm dining hall lines to family dinners.  So living on my own, as a single Mama with young kiddos, has been an adjustment in the kitchen.  Despite the pureed kale and flavorful curries I fed my babies, I now have two picky eaters who are hell-bent on surviving off of turkey hot dogs and peanut butter jelly sandwiches…so when it comes to home cooked meals, I’m on my own.

I need to properly fuel this hardworking body.  I deserve that much.  So I’ve developed a method for eating salads perfectly designed for sad single people.  Here your have it:

Sad Salad for Singles

Vegetables

Proteins/Legumes

Maple Mustard Vinaigrette

Go out to your garden.  Pick some lettuce.  Feel the muddy soil beneath your feet and breath in the life-giving aromas of earth and growth and sunlight.  Or just tear open a bag from the store.  Whatever.  You do you.

Get a bunch of veggies.  Carrots, beets, onions, avocado, cucumber, sprouts, whatever you have around.  Finely slice or grate.  I keep a bag of root vegetables in my fridge and just shave off whatever I want with my cheese grater.  Put in half an avocado.  Scratch that, you put in the WHOLE AVOCADO, sweetheart, YOU ARE WORTH IT.  Dump in some olives.  Or not.  Fresh herbs are good too.  This is your salad and I’m not here to tell you what to do.

Add some other stuff.  Like chickpeas.  Or leftover hand-breaded-oven-fried chicken tenders that your four year old turned his nose up over last night even though you birthed him without an epidural and breastfed him for two fucking years of your life.  Cool.  Whatever works for you.

Mix in some salad dressing.  Here’s the recipe:

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Maple Mustard Vinaigrette

3/4 cup decent enough olive oil

1/4 cup Apple Cider Vinegar

2 Tablespoons Maple Syrup

2 Tablespoons Stone ground or Dijon Mustard

1/2 teaspoon garlic powder

Salt and Pepper

Pour in a mason jar.  Shake.  Now you have salad dressing.

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Put all your stuff in a big, fancy salad bowl.  The kind you use to serve salad at dinner parties.  Mix it all up with a fork.  Sit down at your table.  Just bring the bowl and the fork and some water or whatever, that’s all you need.  No need to dirty another dish, honey.  You rest.

Pull out a magazine about mindfulness or yoga or whatever makes you feel better about yourself.

Don’t look at your phone.  Do. Not. Look. At. Your. Phone.  Your phone will not fill the void.

No, you didn’t get any messages.

Dontlookatyourphonedontlookatyourphoneyourphonewillnotfillthevoiddontlookatit.

Eat your salad.

 

You did good, Honeybear.